REVELATIONS OF AN AGING SOFTBALL PLAYER

At 52 years old, I've been playing Slow Pitch Softball for almost 35 years now. Prior to that I played my share of Little League Baseball as a kid. Back in my early Softball days, I was skinny, agile & could play any position. Started as a middle infielder. Had good range w/ an average arm. A slap/singles hitter with good bat control, I could spray the ball anywhere I wanted to.

In those days, it was all about honing my skills & learning the "thinking/situational" part of the game. Both of those parts continued to improve as I got older & a little more seasoned. I began pitching about 6 years into my softball career. Career?  LoL. It's not like I got paid or anything. Actually, I always put my own teams into the leagues & paid for them myself.

I got into pitching because of the lack of true pitchers.  Just throwing strikes is NOT pitching. Moving the ball around, changing height, depth, arm angle, working the count ... THAT'S pitching. And, of course, fielding your position.  In those days, if you hit the middle on me ... you were OUT! I loved having them hit back at me.  Not so much anymore.

With the aging process comes a decline in skills, reaction time & agility.

"Short, fat & stupid is no way to go thru life, son." - Dean Wormer 'Animal House'

I've noticed that over the years, the ground has apparently gotten lower by at least one foot as my glove doesn't seem to reach it anymore, when I try to bend over. (could be the big belly?)

As my reactions began to wane I started wearing more battle armor. Knee pads, shin guards ... eventually a face mask. I've been hit my fair share of times & no matter how much I cover parts of my body, the ball ALWAYS seems to find an uncovered section. Not kidding. Happened again last night.

So my revelation is that although my early days were spent honing my skills, my twilight days are spent coming up with fixes, patches & work-arounds to make up for lost reactions & abilities. Veteran Savvy just isn't getting the job done anymore. Playing against guys half my age doesn't seem to be helping, either. In my mind, I'm still that skinny kid who's their age with their abilities. My body apparently knows otherwise. And, it appears that my mind & body are not communicating with each other. If they did ... they'd have already figured this out.

Oh well ... new season starts in a few weeks.  Here we go again. FULL Catcher's Shin Guards on the mound next season. Yup ... I'm running out of ideas.  (sigh)

WINK

Nothing

Just wanted to let you know I've got nothing to say. But this might keep this blog alive.
Thanks.
WINK

NEW STUDY

Studies show that people who are shown studies about how studying can increase their knowledge about things they never studied before, were found to study less studies & simply accept what others have already come up with in THEIR studies. A new study is currently underway to confirm the findings of this study.

The Double-Standard (Adult Content Warning)

   I think all this hype about Penis Enlargers is a double-standard. Somebody needs to start making smaller Vaginas. Why should all the pressure be on us guys?

Was it Worth It?

So I decided I had a craving for Taco Bell last night. Yes, I really do LIKE Taco Bell in a pinch. Yes, I know there are far better choices for super Mexican food, but the convenience of driving thru Taco Bell on my way home from work made the choice for me last night.

But alas, although I like Taco Bell ... it really doesn't like ME!  And I know this. It's a foregone conclusion. But yet, I am weak. For I knew what the "end" result would be. (nasty pun, eh?) But I did it anyway. Or should I say, OVER did it!  Tacos, Mexican pizza, Crown Royal Black. Oh my!

Afterwards, I sang karaoke for two hours (at home), thinking the working of my stomach muscles would help matters. Maybe it did, maybe it didn't. Hard to say. No issues last night. Slept like a baby.

This morning, however, was quite a different story. Now my digestive system is a fargin' mess to begin with so forcing it to deal with something I know will send it into a raging fury is simply stupid. (IBS)  Call me stupid. (but it was SO good tasting last night!)

The whole trick to this dilemma is my ride to work.  It's a 15 - 20 minute ride, depending upon traffic. It's all a matter of timing. Driving faster than allowed. Choosing the right lanes that won't bog down. Watching for slow trucks & city buses.  Multiple lane changes. All the while knowing that at any minute, all bets are off & I'm going to have to dive for an escape route somewhere. (aka: a bathroom) I have most of my bailouts planned out. The trick is being in the correct lane, in case you have to make that sudden emergency turn, be it left lane or right lane.

The other part of the timing  is the multiple preparatory bathroom visits at home "pre-trip".  After my final volley, I hopped into the Expedition & began my trek, all the while whispering to myself, "You're gonna make it. You're gonna make it."  I passed my first three "bail out stops" thinking I had things licked. Traffic was cooperating except for the standard 2 - 3 light stop at Sample & Powerline. I usually think that once I cross Sample Road I'm home free. (I work off of Atlantic). After Coconut Creek Blvd. I got hit with a wave of both "you know" and terror. I wasn't going to make it. Next bail out is the McD's on Atlantic & Powerline. I dove into the right lane but the symptoms subsided before I reached the light.  Once again I thought I could make it to work. Only two minutes away, now.

So I changed lanes again to make a left on Atlantic towards my destination. The wave hit again, as did the panic. I accelerated & took the balance of the turns on two wheels. Screeched into my parking spot & flew into the office. Threw down my briefcase & keys. Never even turned on the lights. Headed right to the bathroom.  Made it.  "Whooped 'em again, Josey!"

So was it worth it? It's now 11:50am & I'm still not right. So finally, I have my mind clear on this issue. NO ... it was not worth it. I know what upsets my stomach & it's time to STOP eating it. I'm getting really tired of this sh*t! (pun intended, again)

But it sure did make for an exciting morning, huh?

Increasing Cell Phone Signal Strength

I have Verizon Wireless as my cell phone carrier & have been a customer of theirs for about 8 years. All in all, a pleasant experience. Finally stepped up to a Smart Phone almost a year ago.  The HTC Thunderbolt. Very cool phone with it's fair share of quirks & issues. Learned to overcome most of them. Dealing with others. But I REALLY do like the phone!

Lately, though, I've been having an issue that I could neither deal with nor overcome. The signal strength of their regular phone part diminished to an almost non-usable proportion. I can no longer make or receive calls in my house. Sometimes, not even outside my house.   Incoming calls go straight to voice mail. Similar problem at my office but not as bad.  This has nothing to do with 3G or 4G signals. The technical term for the phone call/text message functions of your phones falls under the category: CDMA. This is what your "bars" are measuring ... your CDMA signal strength.

After a few phone calls with Verizon Customer Service (Who, by the way, are the friendliest, nicest, most concerned Customer Service people I've ever dealt with!), it was determined that the Cell Towers in my areas had been RE-POSITIONED. Unfortunately, I'm not in a good "Line of Sight" anymore in either of my locations, therefore decreasing my signal strength reception dramatically. There's not really a good fix for this problem.  They have been nice enough to send us replacement phones, hoping that part of the problem might have been a hardware issue. So far we haven't stumbled upon the right fix.

CJ has just had his Thunderbolt replaced with a Motorola Bionic Droid as an experiment to see if it gets better signal strength. We're still testing it.

But a conversation I had with Semone, one of Verizon's Tech Support Specialists got me to thinking. We were discussing the phones themselves & their antennas. Most phones have multiple antennas for the different functions. 3G/4G have their own. GPS has its own. So does CDMA. (our culprit) I Googled my phone & found detailed pictures of the antenna locations.  Most are built into the back cover. (battery cover)  But the CDMA is built into the base at the bottom.  Best of all, it has a little jack that can be connected to an EXTERNAL antenna.  BINGO!!! It was now time to MACGYVER!!!

I needed some very thin wire. Found an old set of earbud headphones I no longer used. I cut about a 2.5" piece of the wire. Striped & separated it as I only needed one part. (earbuds are a double wire) This particular wire was actually two thin strands. So I twirled them to make a sort of braid.  I then double knotted the end because I needed something I could jam into the ext. antenna jack.  The jack on my phone is covered with a little soft rubber button. Remove the button & SAVE it!

Using a paperclip, I pushed the little knot into the antenna jack. It didn't really want to stay but it didn't matter. Once I replaced the rubber cover, it forced good & immovable contact of the wire to the jack. The balance of the twisted wires I scotch-taped to the outside of the base of the phone.  (see pics below - CLICK EACH FOR CLOSEUP)

  

Now it may not look pretty but it was apparently effective. I instantly got a solid 3 out of 4 bars while sitting in my office. I previously struggled to get ANY. Sometimes I had to get up and walk around until I hit the right position.  So far I'm excited about this fix.

The real test will be when I try it at home.  I will comment my results later.

UNREQUITED LOVE - A Poem by Wink

After dinner they walked in the sand.
With the DOM,  he'd spent nearly a grand.
But his attempts at a feel,
just could not seal the deal.
Spent the rest of the night with his hand.

New Product Idea

I'm thinking of bottling a new product. I think there's a huge, untapped market for this & I just know it's gonna catch on.  UN-FROZEN ICE.  What do ya think? Any potential? Think of the convenience.  It's gotta be a winner.

My Idea for Colonization of the Moon

The beauty of being a self-proclaimed visionary is that I only have to come up with the basis of an idea. I can leave the fine details & technical aspects to those with proper training. Not sure why this one popped into my head but my motto is, "Into my head, onto my blog." My other motto, "Whoever smelt it, dealt it.", is being sidelined as I can't claim sole creative responsibility for that one.

MOON COLONIZATION: We know it's going to happen eventually.  Plans are probably already in the works. But since I'm not privy to those plans, I am forced to come up with my own.

Problem #1: Oxygen - Ya need this stuff. Epiphany, right? Ok. Problem solved. Biosphere with oxygen generators.

Problem # 2: How do we get a Biosphere up to the Moon? Here's where I came up with my idea.

A PRE-FAB BIOSPHERE - Now I have no idea who can make this or what they're made of. The basis of my idea was simply UN-MANNED CARGO SPACE FLIGHTS to the Moon. We have the technology to fly, orbit  & land space cargo vehicles. My idea is to simply load them with all of the components necessary to build a self-sustaining Biosphere. It might take 10 - 20 deliveries but who cares? Our Government apparently has an unlimited source of funding, credit & small countries who's wars we can support.

So we send off the Cargo Ships & land them on the Moon in precise & close proximity to each other. Once they're all up there, we THEN send up a construction crew to build it.

If it's big enough, once built it can become the foundation for additional construction. Set it up with Pre-Fab Living Quarters.  Places for workers to stay as MORE stuff is sent up to be put together.

So are there such things as Oxygen Generators??? I frequently get my Reality Knowledge confused with my Star Trek knowledge. I can't quite remember what already exists, is soon to exist or only exists on TV.

Anyway, that's my idea.  We're running outta room down here on Terra-Firma. Might as well "George Carlinize" the Moon by moving our STUFF up there.

Pro-Bowl was Un-Watchable

Wow.  That was really bad! The Pro-Bowl was un-watchable due to the players' lack of effort. Would have been better if they changed it to Flag Football. I understand the concept of not wanting any injuries, but this was terrible. Maybe they should change the game to the College Overtime format? At least we might see some better efforts. I had to turn it off. Yikes!

The most competitive All-Star Game to watch is still Baseball, especially now that they're playing for something. (World Series home-field advantage)

Even Hockey is a fun watch with their safety rules in place. Sure, there's no hitting/checking, etc. But the finesse part of the game is still in place and actually, over accentuated. The passing is great and the goal tending is action packed.  I also like the new format of Team Captains doing a school yard pick for teams.  Great idea!

Thoughts?

Early "Wheel of Fortune" Episode

With the revelation made by Pat Sajak this week about he & Vanna getting drunk during taping of the earlier episodes of 'Wheel of Fortune', we decided to go back thru the archives to see if we could find any evidence of this. Here's what we found:

SAJAK: It's your spin, Mary.
[spinning, clicking sound]
SAJAK: $300
MARY: "R"
SAJAK: Are what?
MARY: No, the letter "R".
SAJAK: Sorry, Mary, you have to BUY vowels.
MARY: But "R" isn't a vowel.
SAJAK: ARE what vowels? And that really wasn't grammatically correct.  Where were you brought up? Is English your first language?
MARY: Huh?
SAJAK: Listen, Sally, I run this show. Now do you want to buy an "R" or don't you?
MARY: I .......
SAJAK: Vanna, are there any "I"s ?
VANNA: Where?
SAJAK: Behind those square thingies.
VANNA: What would they look like?
SAJAK: Kind of like a "T" with an extra line at the bottom.
MARY: I didn't say I wanted the letter "I".  I wanted an "R".
SAJAK: "R"s are expensive, Madge, are you sure you can afford it? Show me what you have in your purse.
MARY: But ... I .....
SAJAK: Wilma, are there any "I"s?
VANNA: I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat.
SAJAK: Seriously?
VANNA: Yeah. I'm pretty sure if I turn these square thingies around we can see some letters behind them. It might be a clue.
SAJAK: And then we'll have Yahtzee?
[Mary is seen slowly walking off camera as they cut to commercial]

Pretty convincing evidence, in our opinion.

Food Poisoning

FYI: Food Poisoning is all it's cracked up to be, and more.

An Amazing Red Wine

Had a pleasant surprise the other night at Farradday's in the Isle Casino in Pompano.  Asked Jacek, our bartender who's name we never knew until this very night - pronounced YAH-check), for a glass of Red, either Cab or Merlot. Left it up to him. His choice/recommendation.  He brought me this one: Girard Artistry 2008 - A Red Blend.  I was blown away! It had the best of all of it's varietal components all rolled into one. Soft like a Merlot, fruity like a Malbec, complex, tight finish like a Cabernet. It was like drinking an Everlasting-Gobstopper!  Can't wait to find this one in our local wine stores.

http://www.thegoodwineguru.com/girard-artistry-2008/

PRICE GOUGING HAS BEGUN IN PATTWINKI

URGENT: Dateline - The Country of Pattwinki - With the recent horrifying news that there might be no more Twinkies produced due to the Hostess Company filing for bankruptcy, the inevitable Price Gouging has begun in the small, Island Country of Pattwinki.


Boxes of Twinkies are currently selling for as high as 35 Pattwinks each. (approx. $10 US)
Individually wrapped Twinkies are selling for 7 Pattwinks each on the street. (approx. $2 US)


Grand Chancellor Patticakes Winkman is invoking a country-wide state of emergency & ordering an immediate Price Freeze on all Twinkie sales. Although this might stop the average store owner from price gouging, it will not hamper the notorious Black Market which runs rampant in Pattwinki.


"Our biggest enemy in this disaster is FEAR.", Grand Chancellor Winkman was quoted as saying.  He may be right. The fear of being without your country's number one staple food must be overwhelming.


More on this tragic story as it develops.

Hostess Bankruptcy

URGENT: Dateline - The Country of Pattwinki - Pattwinkians are panicking over the news that Hostess, the makers of their National Food, The Twinkie, is filing for bankruptcy for the second time. This might mean the end of the production of Twinkies forever.

Although a heavy blow to the well-being of all Pattwinkians, the situation is not in dire straits just yet. Twinkies have a shelf-life of 7-10 years if frozen.  Citizens have already been seen stocking up on multiple boxes of Twinkies. Stores cannot keep up with the demand.  Many are seen with large signs in their store-front windows stating: Sorry but we're SOLD OUT of Twinkies.

As the supply further dwindles, it is anticipated that incoming delivery trucks of Twinkies could be in jeopardy of being hijacked for their valuable cargo.

More on this tragic story as it develops.

Today I am reflecting upon things in my life that can never be repeated. Granted, I can't post them here as that would be repeating them.

Expressions of Cold

So this morning I'm thinking about common expressions of extreme cold weather & their origins.
"Colder than a witch's tit." Confusing AND kinky.

"Cold enough to freeze the balls off a Brass Monkey." Ummm? Huh?  Where do I begin with this one??? I don't think I've ever SEEN a Brass Monkey??? Where do you get one? Is there a Brass Monkey Store? Or a Brass Monkey section in Walmart? And why would just their balls freeze off? What about their tails? Who comes up with these stupid sayings?

Cold?

The External Temperature Gauge in my truck read "WTF???" this morning. Made me smile.

Awesome racquetball workout tonight. Really nice coming out to chilly temps. New Giants Hoodie did the trick.

AT&T 4G Commercials

They keep running these commercials for the AT&T 4G service. The concept is the speed gets them their info quicker than others. But I'm having troubles understanding what they are saying. The recurring theme is someone asks if they heard about something. Then, the guy/gal with the 4G phone says????
"SO ... 4 seconds ago." Or are they saying, "Saw it 4 seconds ago." ?????  "Saw it" makes more sense but both the guy & the gal sound like they're saying, "SO".  Can anybody help me with this?